Leading a meeting
Posted by Carol Howard Merritt on 05 May 2008 at 05:21 pm | Tagged as: church, pastors
I should have a tag for “all the stuff they don’t teach you in seminary,” but that would be rather long–I mean, the words would have trouble fitting into the sidebar.
Many seminary students are graduating, looking for jobs, and getting ready to start. One of the main things that I had to learn quickly when I began was how to lead a meeting. And then after a few years, I learned more tricks. Here are my initial thoughts:
(1) Realize time is of essence. I try to keep most meetings from one hour to one-and-a-half hours. Two hours max. People usually come to our meetings after a full day of work. They’re tired and grumpy if they go too long.
(2) Prepare an agenda. It’s just a lot easier that way.
(3) Dress appropriately. I’m not the business of telling people what they should wear. But I will say that I’ve been in intense meetings, where I felt uncomfortable, and it didn’t help that I also felt very underdressed. Now, if I’m running a meeting, I make sure I wear a suit, because that’s what D.C. people wear. So “appropriately” means different things to different people, and you can make that judgment, but at least make sure you think about it.
(4) Sit at the head of the table. It’s the power seat, so you may not be inclined to sit there naturally. But, culturally, that’s where you belong if you’re running the meeting.
(5) Start on time. This depends on the culture of your congregation, but if at all possible, it’s good to start at the designated hour. It’s too easy to waste twenty minutes “waiting on a couple more people.” Then, number one becomes impossible to pull off.
(6) Ditch Robert’s Rules. Now they’re surely going to kick me out of the Presbyterian Church. Rob’s Rules are counter-intuitive to the flow of a meeting. You have to put a motion on the table, second it, and then start discussing it. But, actually, most of us come to the table with a vague idea, we discuss it, then it becomes a motion. Finally, we vote.
(7) Repeat the statement back. We learn from the time we are toddlers, that if we’re not being heard, we need to repeat or yell. And most parents learn that if you don’t want nagging, yelling, or a temper tantrum, you can affirm that you’ve heard your child. (“Yes. I understand. You want to go to the playground.”)
Unfortunately, many of us don’t grow out of this habit of repeating or yelling when we don’t feel like we’re being heard. So, if you’re running a meeting and you come across this particular behavior, try repeating the statement back.
(8) Read body language. Some people are much more verbose and articulate, others are not. One way to make sure that certain people don’t dominate the meeting and make all the decisions is to read the body language around the table. You might have to draw certain people out. You can say, “Bob, you have a concerned look on your face. Is there something you’d like to say?”
(9) Keep naming the issues. If there are problems that your congregation’s working through, ignoring them rarely does the trick. Usually, you have to name them. Verbalize them.
(10) Do your homework. If you’re going into a meeting where there might be resistance or conflict, make sure that you’ve gathered facts, considered all sides, and thought things over before you enter the meeting. You should, of course, be open to new ideas and opinions, but you also need to be an informed leader.
(11) Don’t cry. At least, try not to do it when you’re leading a meeting. When I first started in the pastorate, I had a personal habit of crying when I got angry. But, being a young woman and a pastor, I had to learn to swallow it. People get really uncomfortable when a young woman cries. I realize that it may make people cave quickly, but it might hurt your leadership in the long run.
(12) Do laugh. Humor is your best friend when leading a meeting. It cuts through tension, it makes people pay attention, and it helps keep things in perspective. And… (dare I say it?) if you can create a space where people laugh a lot, the meetings might actually become fun.
What have you learned? What would you add?
You reminded me of a short piece I wrote after a particular inefficient committee meeting. I never did anything with it so here is it’s public debut. The only caveat I will offer is what priority efficiency should be given at a church meeting, as opposed to a business meeting.
How to Have an Efficient Committee Meeting
The first thing that needs to be understood in order to have an efficient committee meeting is that it is the responsibility of every person present at the meeting and not just the committee chair. If the committee comes to a common understanding of the purpose of the meeting, how the meeting will be conducted, and their role in the meeting, then and only then can a meeting become efficient. Below are some helpful guidelines that you can discuss within your committee and then decide if you wish to follow them.
• An agenda (including an estimate of time needed for each item) that is prepared in advance, agreed to, and followed. The key to this is following the agenda. When you reach the time limit on an item someone must ask if more time is needed. If more time is needed, specify how much and stick to it. Items will come up in a meeting that are not on the agenda. When possible, take note of the new item and schedule it for a future meeting.
• A general guideline from Robert’s Rules of Order is that only one decision is to be considered at any time. If the committee handles one decision at a time before moving on to other items the meeting will be more efficient.
• The main work at a committee meeting is acting on specific proposals, not planning details. Individuals or small groups of two or three people should be charged with working out the details for events/proposals/programs and then bringing them back to the committee for approval.
• The main work at a committee meeting is acting on specific proposals, not brainstorming or coming up with ideas. If ideas are needed for an event/proposal/program communicate with committee members ahead of time and ask them to send one or two ideas to the chair who will put together a list to be distributed before the meeting.
• The main work at a committee meeting is acting on specific proposals, not listening to excess information about every aspect of the committee’s work. Generally, information shared or reports given to the committee should be because they need to know the information to make a decision. There are times when summaries of events or other information is needed, these should be brief and in writing whenever possible. When a written report is given to members, they are expected to read it in order to contribute to an efficient meeting. If you have a question about a report decide whether the question and answer would benefit the group enough to take meeting time, or if it is a question you can ask someone after the meeting.
I feel so honored that you posted it here first! Thanks, Shawn.
It’s amazing what sort of leadership skills one can develop through a particularly bad experience…
Excellent! I would also say give a time frame for discussion as appropriate to keep people on task. Basically know when to hold em and known when to fold em to table an issue for further discussion. But then try to set a “due date” for decisions to be made otherwise a lot of discussion will happen without any action attached to it.
And when that happens stick to your guns to deal with dissent. That’s when you go outside of the meeting and become a counselor to heal “wounds” so that people continue to play nice.
[...] this. Like it or not, you are not only going to be an enthusiastic and idealistic minister of the [...]
well, laugh, but make sure it’s not NERVOUS laughter.
Oh yeah. Good point.
[...] Leading a Meeting – something they usually don’t say much about in Seminary (Thanks: Drew who adds 3 C’s: be clear, be consistent, and be creative.) My pastoral mentor always told me. In seminary they teach you a lot about the bible and theology; in the pastorate you mostly deal with (manage) people. [...]
Just a couple of comments: on the Robert’s Rules, we usually follow the process as you outline it (discuss then motion/second/vote in quick succession). However, I do always try to ask, “any more discussion?” after the motion and second, just in case there is someone who was reluctant to speak or having second thoughts, etc.
And if I delay the start of the meeting, I’ll say something like, “we’ll wait five minutes for Habitually Late Person and then we’ll get started.” And stick to it.
I too struggle with the crying when I’m angry thing–how did you get over that? I actually cry at any strong emotion, but I HATE doing it when I’m angry.
Thanks for the post–makes me realize how much I have learned in this area.
Anny ran a meeting on Sunday at church and was practically applauded. She was filling infor the meeting-leader from hell. Seems that MLfH began their last meeting by spending 20 minutes talking about what a great performance she had seen the night before. By the end of the meeting people were calling her on it: “does this have relevance? I need to get my kid from Sunday School.” Anny really had no where to go but up, so she did!
Our Session operates in a very business atmosphere, in a good way. All items for discussion are sent in advance if possible. It’s everyone’s responsibility to read and prepare for each meeting. We have built this as an expectation (well before I was involved) and it has made our meetings joyful.
We spend our time together talking through the important issues of the church, rather than going over each little detail. We have spent more time in prayer and devotions than doing business at least once in the last year.
Esperanza,
The way I approach it, in a university setting mind you, is to say, Before we move to vote, I want to be clear about what we are voting on and then feedback what the votes are before we proceed. I have found that people will vote and are not sure what they are actually voting on – especially if it is a heated discussion with lots of questions. It’s also a way to ensure that the vote will actually take place and that everyone had their say. this way if someone says “I can’t support that!”, you can rely on the decision of the committee to substantiate the position that you are taking as the chair as it were. Often a really good stated clerk will help with that process – or at least should since they are the ones making sure that the votes are accurately recorded.
After discussion give a pregnant pause of a good ten seconds to let people ruminate a bit for additional questions.
But once the motions are in I vote. It avoids second-guessing or more waffling which drives me nutty.
A good clerk is indispensible to the process. Make friends with whomever is serving in that role when you take a new position.
Esperenza,
I’ve been thinking about how to get over crying when you’re angry. I talk to the head social worker at Miriam’s Kitchen (a woman who gets told to F herself about a half dozen times before noon), asked her how she did it, and she says she doesn’t. She just cries and says, “I’m crying now, because I’m frustrated.”
I don’t think I’m as gutsy as she is…obviously.
I think the way I did it was I began to identify the inappropriate responses (I laugh when I’m angry too), in all areas of my life, and began to recognize the real feelings. I didn’t get angry much, because I grew up in a peacemaker role, and probably because I felt gender-bound. So when all that emotion flooded me, I did the thing that had always been appropriate–I cried. But suddenly, that wasn’t appropriate any more. I didn’t want anyone’s pity, I needed their respect.
I guess when I started allowing myself to be angry, my responses slowly began to match my emotions. Now, I just need to keep from cursing like a sailor.
I’m kidding. Of course.
i think the one that you mentioned, carol, that resonated with me was about honoring time. i like to give the group an opportunity at the end of a designated amount of time for them to motion, second and approve(disapprove) an extension of time for however long they see fit. if we’re in the middle of something good, they can keep rolling. if it’s a drag, then let’s just go home. i think it gives them some control and participation in honoring each other’s time commitments.
Catherine, the social worker I mentioned above, said that there’s another trick. She said iced cold water can keep a person from crying. She said that there’s just something about drinking really cold water that will do the trick.
I’ve never heard of that before. But, it sounds like it’s worth a try….